Wow – Do I even still know how to do this? Do I know how to turn my thoughts into words on a modern-day piece of paper – aka my ten-year-old MacBook? Well, let us give it a shot.
WHERE IN THE HELL DO, I EVEN BEGIN? It has been almost TWO full years since I have written anything. My last post announced we were expecting our second little girl, Shae. Shae is already eighteen months old; She is a walking, talking, terror full of sass, emotions, and charisma. Maize who you all know and have been invested in from the beginning is almost four years old – FOUR. How in the hell is that even possible? My fertility issues and all the emotions that surrounded me were the reason I created this blog, two whole years before she was born and now my inspiration, muse some could say, is four!
About a week ago I realized that I did not pay the fee to keep this blog active, to be honest, I did not even know I had to do that. The blog sat inactive for so long that it was not something I thought about, but when I tell you I thought I lost everything, WOAH. The emotions were enormous. This small, tiny corner on the internet has gotten me through some of the greatest and saddest times of my life, and suddenly, they were gone, vanished, replaced with only an “under construction” sign on the home page. Even Shaine, my emotionless husband, was a bit saddened by the news of losing these posts. This blog is a huge part of our story, and I always saw a time I would sit down and read it to our kids. — Obviously, you are reading this on the same blog you have grown to love (or maybe just visit periodically) and all the posts have been restored but the emotions of almost losing this space lit a fire under me to just get back into writing. Spoiler alert, life is good right now, but that does not mean I don’t have stuff to say, I always have shit to say. Will it be a shotgun blast of emotions, memories that I can recall from the past two years probably? But at the end of the day maybe that is what I need.
So now the question is where exactly do I start? June of 2022 when Shae was born? What about from the end of 2021 when I was slowly, very very slowly coming around to the idea we were having another baby? Do I skip ahead and spoil the news that we did indeed not move but instead built our forever home less than seven miles from our last home? Do I write about all the sleepless nights? All the pivots we as a family have made throughout the years? Fuck y’all I truly don’t know if I can even remember all the minor details that have happened. However, I think I should try. Will it be inspiring, probably not. Will it be real, raw, and me? We all know the answer to that. So here I go, attempting to retrace my steps, recall memories, and put words to paper to recreate my version of an online journal. Buckle up friends, it is about the get messy.