In my nursing class, we learned about Maslow. Maslow was a theorist who developed a theory called the hierarchy of needs. The basic idea of this was shown displayed with a simple triangle. The base of that triangle is the largest, and as you travel up the triangle, the sections get smaller and smaller, representing the different layers of basic human needs.
At the very bottom, the most crucial need is physiological. We need food, water, shelter, etc. to live. If we don’t have that we can’t live, it is as simple as it sounds. The next “layer” is safety. Which once again is essential. Moving up to the middle section is love and belonging. The first time I saw this, I was surprised. Surprised that love, relationships, and friendships were so important it placed directly above safety and physical needs. But the more I thought about it, the more I agreed.
Love, relationships, friendships are all things we need. We need to feel like we belong. We need to feel those warm and fuzzies when around “your tribe.” Around people who know you and love you despite your flaws. I bring this up because as we age, I believe this gets harder. Unconditional love, support, and relations tend to become strained. Life gets busy. People grow apart. Opinions become vocalized more. Even though this is a natural situation to find yourself in doesn’t make it right, doesn’t make it hard.
I have and have had some great friendships in my life; from my girlfriends who I met in Germany, to my college friends to my local friends to my hometown friends and everyone in between. I’ve been as the kids say #blessed. Blessed with many supporters near and far. I’ve never had a shortage of good people in my life. However, on the flip side, I have also lost a few good ones too.
A famous quote that everyone says is quality is greater than quantity. And yes, that is entirely right. But in saying that, it doesn’t mean one hasn’t lost some quality people during the time their quantity was shrinking. Life happens; People change, get busy, and next thing you know you took a left when they went right. And while you might only be on opposite sides of a busy street that includes bills, jobs, other relationships, disagreements, health concerns, etc. doesn’t mean you don’t look across the street and miss the person.
Miss who y’all used to be. The laughs you shared, the memories you made. One person may think I can fix this. I can cross this busy street of life, make it to the other side and rebuild. So they try, only to be hit by one of life’s many barriers. And while my imagery might be weird AF (the kids taught me that lingo as well), it’s true. In adulthood, we have so many things going on at any given time, maintaining relationships and friendships get pushed aside. You grow apart, you change your way of thinking and that person who used to be in your corner, is now on the outside looking in.
Is this necessarily a bad thing? No, but it’s also not a good thing. It’s more of a lesson, a lesson to be flexible, understanding, honest, and truthful. I for one can speak from experience. I’ve lost a few very close friends over the years. And while most days I don’t even think about it, because the quality I have right now is way better than my quantity ever used to be, doesn’t mean I’m not sad.
No matter what the situation that occurred, I will always stand on my side of the street looking across at those insanely busy lanes of life and admire. Admire the friends, relationships, and memories lost. Admire the memories that will be missed. And silently, very silently root for them in their journey through life.
To my past, present and future friends. ❤️💔
